Sunday, September 27, 2009

Life is not a bowl of Reine-Claude Prunes (in which we officially let Mom tell it her way)

Some days are better than others. Sometimes you get up on the wrong side of the bed, feeling tired and you look over at your loving husband for support and...

...AAHHH! It's worse than a bad hair day!

Some days the alarm goes off late - or early which is worse! - and you - I that is...Mom that is - don't feel like being efficient and hopping directly into the shower. And sometimes, - rarely- you give in to that feeling...

(I don't know about you, but I've noticed, after many long years of experience, that that's usually when things start to go really wrong... )

When you do finally work up the courage to take that shower, first thing you have to do is clean out the bathtub (where someone left his aquarium decorations the night before when we realized just at bedtime that the second-hand fish tank we'd picked up at the sidewalk sale for a song and a dance didn't hold water and we had to empty it - dare-dare (meaning quickly) - of its entire 50-litre capacity before it all leaked out and caused irreversible water damage to our neighbors' ceiling downstairs...).

Then, once you've showered and worked up an appetite for breakfast, you go into the kitchen...

...and you realize breakfast is gonna be a bit more complicated than you thought what with the above-mentioned aquarium taking up all the available counter space and the kitchen table covered with...things...where do all these things come from over night?

Having managed to clear enough space to make tea and toast, you open the fridge to grab your lunch and...

...BAM! Down goes Thierry's last bowl of Melon and Nectarine soup of the season! All over the floor and under the fridge...

OK. Just keep calm. This usually happens with coffee and coffee grounds all down the kitchen cabinets is oh so much worse, n'est-ce pas? Count your blessings.

So you grit your teeth and clean it up as quickly as possible. Then, charging out of the kitchen to get the rest of your things... somehow, in your haste, manage to knock over the veggie stand!!!!!!!


(That's the polite French version of a very bad French gros mot meaning four-letter word)

Well, look at the bright side, at least it's not V8 juice, right?

Once that's picked up and you're again rushing around the house trying to find all your work things, that's when you find THIS :

...horror of Horror's!

Someone's been at your special no-stress breast ball and it's all sticky and gooey and black!!!!!!

There's no way in Dante's seventh circle you'll be showing that cruddy thing to any future mothers today...(Although you realize you probably should, to warn them of just how much their future progeny will upset the well-oiled routine and balance of the peaceful love nest they've managed artfully to set up with their partners.)

When you finally do get out the door...

...the last vélib at your station has bird doo on the seat (or, more often than not, no chain or flat tires or or the seat spins as fast in a ball...). So you rush to take the subway instead but there, the only seats available are free because...

...I won't even bother to be more explicit than that. Suffice it to say : that's not Melon and Nectarine soup!

Yes, some days are definitely better than others!

Fortunately, when all's said and done, there's always a little corner of beauty somewhere!


  1. Oh, lordy, lord, lord! Michelle, blogging becomes you. I haven't laughed so hard or spontaneously in a long time--and this is the first time ever that I've experienced a photograph as a punch-line, but a number of these function just like that. Oh, lordy, lord. Keep at. You've got the right stuff!!!

  2. Did you get a bit carried away here, Michelle? I cannot believe that all of these disasters happened on the morning of one single day... if that actually happened, I only hope there were no twins awaiting your help in delivery that day.

  3. You have no idea Mom! Malcolm wanted me to post all the pictures of the all the mishaps we Paret Match photo journalists took that morning : the tooth that fell out, the wart we was discovered, the strange greenish mass growing behind the fridge... because we really did have to clean up under and behind the fridge! No, no I tell you ,Mom, it was an exercise in restraint! Or in the words of Olivia, the pig from New York, "It's mostly all true."

  4. Ha, ha, ha, ha... Ohhhhh, lordy. Too much. Why do such painful days make for such terrific stories?

    One question--

    "Someone's been at your special no-stress breast ball and it's all sticky and gooey and black!!!!!!"--

    What the heck is a no-stress breast ball? Don't bother explaining, I can guess... You are killing me, Michelle. And the paragraph that followed this revelation, I almost fell to the floor.

    Hang in there!