Friday, February 5, 2010

A Few Reasons Why We Can't Go to Atlee's Birthday Party

No, it's not because we've been eaten by the year of the Tiger. We haven't, at least not yet (although we only just escaped from the year of the Buffalo with our pants on...)! Nor have we been eaten by a widemouth...

...Monster TAG!

And, no, we're not...

...nor even in juvenile hall for...



... attempted Grand Theft MiniAuto...
And, no...

I - Henry that is - am NOT in the hospital because I forgot the old adage : "Let sleeping dogs lie..." (although I was sorely tempted to see what this fella looks like when he 's awake!)

Nor have we fallen victim to...

(editor's note : the following film is actually kind of scary! Sensitive viewers view at their own risk!)

video
...the dreaded Ménilmontant Babyfood Spoon Stabber!

And no, we're not ...


...hopelessly lost in the catacombs of Paris, either.

Naw, we can't come 'cause, well, for one, 'cause Mom said so. And despite appearances, she actually is the capitain of the Pontoon over Paname City way.

For two, because we suspect Atlee is probably going to have her birthday party on a Saturday and well, we have school on Saturdays*...

(Dry your tears Shea and guzzle a mug of the ol' chocolatey for us. We've learned to grin and bear it. For this special occasion, we were really hoping Mom would let us come so we could MISS school that day but no. She wants us to grin and bear it too. She says she only takes her kids to the States for birthdays in the middle of the school year if they've been exceptionally obnoxious and we've been too good to qualify! - We might still be able to do something about that yet! - Mom also says that what the French government is actually trying to teach us by sending us to school on Saturday is : grin and bear it and above all don't cut your parents' or the president's head off, please. She says she's not about to undermine that lesson. (But, have you heard the latest? Sarkozy's government wants to eliminate History from the 12th grade curriculum... Mom always thought they were going to try and eliminate Philosophy from the curriculum because as Christine Lagarde says "everyone knows we Frenchies think too much" but now Mom understands Sarko's really more afraid of pitchforks, falling voter approval ratings and such .)

For three, the old airfare and family of six argument came up but we pooh poohed that! Heck,we pirates can fly alone, we did last summer!

As long as Omi, Opi and ...

...Monique are there to pick us (and our orange pockets) up at the airport...

...there's no problem! (Are they invited to the party too? We hear Monique and John are not to be trusted with time-share dogs but Mom says they're pretty good with time-share nephews...)

For four : As to coming all that way for just one weekend, well Mom's told us and told us about flying over for 48 hours for Monique and John's wedding reception in Lake George the very weekend that W decided to invade Afghanistan, so we know that's do-able too, even in times of war... (Back then, Mom says, The Gettysburg Family was actually the Lake Placid Family (right?) and there were only three of them, no Atlee at all! Weird, huh? Doesn't seem so far, far away, does it?)

Anyway, looks as if Atlee's going to have to have a happy birthday without us pirates, much to our regret! Thanks for the invite nonetheless. We'll just have to go on living on our good memories of warmer times...



...which, despite the presence of a polar bear, they really were!

But we promise, we'll be sure to say Happy Birthday Atlee when the time comes!

*Actually, we're just total blog liars! The government did get rid of school on Saturdays for grade schoolers back in 2007- only middle and high school students still go these days and only in certain schools. (Like Max had to go for just ONE hour last year - you get up get washed and dressed and ready to go, you go out in the cold, take the subway for twenty minutes and sit through ONE frigging hour of math! On top of that, 6 times out of 10 your teacher will be absent without having told you so in advance.... Yes, this is the reality of the wonderful secular French school system... but let's let Miss Crankypants have a breather today... It's Saturday after all.) But even if we don't have school, we do have trumpet lessons and tennis and guitar and handball - but that's only AFTER Saturday morning chocolate and cartoons! Ouf!

4 comments:

  1. The Ménilmontant Babyfood Spoon Stabber? And people think Detroit is dangerous!

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  2. Wow, that is the most thorough decline of an invitation I think I have ever seen. Talk about covering all bases, Wow.

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  3. Have the French given up the guillotine in favor of the more PC pitchfork? I thought that some blood thirst still flows in the French...or are VAMPIRE stories, movies and videos games, that we here in the US read, see and play, no longer popular in France? Grand Theft Auto also seems to have been downgraded to "Small Theft Minicar"?

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  4. I expect all declines to Atlee's party to be equally well written. We'll eat some cake for you though!

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