Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Paret Match in the making (Paret Match : ze making off)

TFunh? Reporter (talking softly but directly into the camera) : Exceptionnally, the editorial staff of Paris Match, your favorite Parisian pirate-people magazine, has invited TFunh? and you to get an inside look at their editing process. Today, the editors are apparently having some difficulty defining this month's cover story. Too many exciting things going on probably...

We were also told that the editors of Paris Match have recently noticed some rising pirate-people-media competition out there in the streets of Paris. So, with their October issue, they want to make sure readers don't desist Paris Match in favor of WWWClash FM on Pirate Satellite.

TFunh? Reporter (whispering) : So, let's just get a little closer. Um, excuse me, can we interupt just long enough to ask one tiny question?

Executive Editor Paret Match : Yeah, sure, we need a coffee break anyhow.

TFunh? : Well, we know this month's top story has not yet been selected but could you give us a small idea about which titles you're trying to choose between?

EEPM (to - BIP - : Yeah, cream. No sugar! That's great, thanks Babe. Turning back to TFunh?) : Um, well, basically we have no really catchy story at the moment. Nothing that seems like good front page material. As always - except in an American presidential election year or when our Big American Brother is thinking of invading a foreign country - October is kind of a slow month. I mean, what have we got here? Le Fish is still alive and well, Max didn't get sent home from Helsinki in shame, Stella doesn't have swine flu just the regular seasonal variety...

- Bip - is too busy rehearsing A Doll's House to make cornes de gazelles these days...So, what's left?...

Oh, yeah, well, Obama did get the Noble Peace Prize but somehow Le Monde got that story before we did... but then, that was the day Max got back from Helsinki and all of Paret Match's top reporters were covering the homecoming festivities...

...Max told reporters that getting nicely fourré in the pouf - even if Henry wouldn't leave him alone - was great after five days in COLD Finland with only Converse Hightops on his feet and thin, Addidas running pants to cover his skinny legs.
(editor's note : Since it's fashionable among Parisian youth to show one's underware, the Addidas pants covered only Max's legs not his rearend.)
Max said, "A warm pouf in Paris - even with Henry jumping on me - sure beats being alone in a hot, Finnish sauna with the naked father of my host family sitting on the wooden bench next to me"...

To - BIP's - great relief, Max said he didn't snuggle in the Finnish sauna but he sure did enjoy snuggling with his favorite flavor of Pringles before devoring them by stacks of fifteen and washing them down with mint flavored Perrier.

Basically, the Paret-Darnay's cheered Obama's prize and Max's return all in the same gulp.

TF unh? : Um, sorry to say this, but that news is so cold it feels like a field trip to Helsinki. Come on now, what's the NEW news around here?

EEPM : Well...

...an Austin Mini did park illegally in front of the Franprix downstairs and we got a good shot of that...

TFunh? : Who's the owner? Frederick Mitterrand*? Jean Sarkozy**? Joey Starr***?

(editor's note : * French Minister of Culture presently at the center of a huge sex scandal. ** President Sarkozy's youngest son presently at the center of a huge political scandal - at the age of 23, he's running for president of the biggest, most powerful, financial district in France. Some people think it's the end of democracy. *** Joey Starr - deserves the most stars, no? - a controversial French rap artist oft' accused of brutality to women and - since he has had two children with the daughter of one of the doctors of Les Bluets - we at Paret Match can attest to having a viable source to back up the well-founded rumors of his bad behavior...)

EEPM : Well, um, we're still witholding all information concerning the Mini's owner in order to avoid having to draw black masks on all our photos...

TFunh? (exchanging confused looks) : ... Unh?

EEPM : Oh yeah, and...

...Halloween's coming!!!

TFunh? : ...

EEPM : Well, Henry's quite excited about it. He was busy making decorations the other day while Max and Malcolm were more interested in gobbling the 16 nems Max bought for a snack (16 nems - that's the cool French word for those things you'll see on the plate in the next pictures - one nem for every year of Max's life!)



Henry also prepared some special Halloween ice-cubes...


...those are real bugs in there, mind! Well, not the spiders but the poor ladybugs were real, we were told... There's a ladybug invasion in Paris this year.

TF unh? : Yeah, yeah, we did a bit on that weeks ago...

EEPM : After 4 nems, Malcolm wouldn't touch the ice-cube concoction but Mad Professor Henry did taste a bit of his own medicine...

TFunh? : ...

EEPM (getting rather desperate) : And...

...Sylvie and Cledo came over for lunch and brought lemon meringue pie!



TFunh? : This is not Homes and Gardens folks, this is Paris Match, you know "The weight of the words, the shock of the photos..."

EEPM : Well, Henry did win 5 times at...


...computer solitaire...and...

...- BIP - ironed some clothes and Stella painted some pictures and...

...she also cleaned her room so some of it got transfrered permanently to the living room while...


...all the important stuff is still right where it belongs : on the floor! And...

...Mom got a cool new scarf she can wear around her neck or...

...as a pareo (a house or beach dress, basically)...

TFunh? (totally unimpressed) : ...

EEPM : Oh, and...

...Halloween's coming! Which Henry is quite excited about!


TFunh? : ...

EEPM : And...

...Malcolm has written two pages of his first novel which he read us before bed the other night!

TFunh? (turning off the microphones and packing up the camera) : UM, we must have gotten the wrong address. We thought this was PARIS Match...

EEPM : No, wait, wait...

TFunh? (leaving) : Sorry, we've got more important fish to fry then Le Fish. We've got NEW news to break. We've got bigwigs to cover...(sound of front door slamming)

EEPM (feebly) : Wait, we've got wigs too...

EE : Oh, phooey! Too bad for them! They'll never know that...

MALCOLM GOT A NEW TRUMPET!!!

video


Too bad for them, huh?

(editor's note : the French version of the Making of Paret Match will only be available in the special features section of the DVD scheduled to come out in 2012.)



4 comments:

  1. If this got on Paris Match it would be much more read than the sleaze that seems to ooze between your famed European cobble-stones. You've got an art of making me break into laughter spontaneously by simply lulling and the startling me with pictures! The excitement here was fertilizing the lawn. Yes, October...

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  2. Me too! I laughed with glee at the reportage and the great photography.

    Had almost worried enough to check up on those Pirates whose blog had been silent for far too long.
    I wondered if perhaps cold weather or heavy school work left little time to once more roam those wild Parisian hideouts. But now I know and feel it only fair to give some serious advice to the Paris Match: Watch your back, you guys! There is a new player in town: it's grave competition, indeed!
    Good luck, and keep it up!

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  3. In my relief to read this blog, I forgot entirely to tell Stella how even more relieved I am that hers is merely the seasonal flu. Keep washing your hands, Stella, and take it easy for a while. Perhaps that "professional cleaning crew" could be called on to help you clear up your room - for a small fee... No harm in asking, right?

    And welcome home again and stay warm, Max!

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  4. We're excited about Halloween around here too, Henry. Will send photos of the pumpkins of 2009, which we'll be carving on Thursday, just in time.

    Welcome home Max!

    Stella, hope you're all better now!

    Michelle, love the new scarf.

    Thierry, good luck with Guys & Dolls.

    Malcolm, the new trumpet sounds great. John said that all he can conclude is that new trumpets must cause the swine-flu...

    Kisses all around.

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